Couples therapy is demanding. It requires vulnerability, courage, and a willingness to confront the uncomfortable truths within both yourself and your relationship. Many couples come into therapy expressing a desire for change, but when faced with the reality of the work ahead, they realize they’re not fully prepared. This can lead to disappointment when therapy doesn’t meet their initial hopes or expectations.
For couples therapy to be effective, both partners must set clear, actionable goals and take responsibility for their own growth within the relationship. The most successful outcomes happen when you both focus on changing the areas where you repeatedly experience pain or feel stuck. I understand that this isn’t easy—it demands consistent effort, renewed focus, and a willingness to move beyond your usual defenses. It involves taking emotional risks, often more than once.
The Gottmans' recommend committing 6 months to the process and found that for couples to effectively deal with their issues they ended up requiring around 20 sessions. (keep in mind this is an average and may not reflect your specific situation).This may seem like a lot, and it may feel disheartening but likely your problems took years to develop, so it will take at least some months, if not years, to improve
Sustaining change in your relationship is challenging. It requires recognizing and appreciating the moments when either of you does something differently, even when it’s difficult. It means being able to say, “I’m feeling really hurt right now, and it’s hard not to lash out, but I want to talk about how I’m feeling instead.” The more defensive or self-protective you are, the more likely you’ll be to wish your partner would change, without considering how you can help foster the changes you both desire.
This reaction is normal—not necessarily healthy, but normal.
However, simply showing up for couples therapy doesn’t mean you’re ready to fully engage in the process. It’s like signing up for an intensive fitness program and then standing at the door of the gym, expecting results without actually participating.
So here’s the crucial question: Are you truly ready for the emotional challenges that lie ahead?
Being ready means committing to the process of creating a better relationship, even when it’s uncomfortable. It means supporting each other through this journey and allowing me to challenge and guide you. It requires s time commitment of at least months if not years It requires focusing on improving your own reactions when triggered, rather than just pointing out your partner’s faults. It involves celebrating progress, even if it’s imperfect, and being willing to do the work together.
So, are you ready?
If you're curious about what happens in couples sessions check out this post.
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