10 things I’d tell you if I wasn’t worried about hurting your feelings (as a counsellor)

1. No, your partner is not the problem. You both are. You build the relationship together. Yes, they react poorly sometimes but there is always a way to react with grace and reach for connection when things aren’t working. Most people just aren’t aware of how to do it. That’s what couples counselling is for. 
   

2. Yes, you can change those patterns. It just doesn’t feel like you can right now. And your right changing patterns takes time and a lot of effort and its not a smooth line upwards. It’s messy and confusing.
   

3. If your child isn’t listening (regularly) you most likely trained them to be that way. The truth is that when parents repeat themselves rather than following through with action it teaches kids to not listen over time and to wait for an emotional explosion before shifting. Use action to help kids understand. 
   

4. There is not a situation that can’t be improved with more curiosity or information. Try it with your partner: “Tell me more about that” and see where you end up.
   

5. Your partner is only responsible for meeting the needs you voice. Yes, it would be nice if they could magically read your mind but they can’t. Request what you need in a kind way and they’ll probably want to do it for you.
   

6. You only have two options when it comes to difficult conversations: Speak it out or your behaviours will speak it out for you and probably not in a way that will develop understanding. 
   

7. Resentful compliance never works in the long term. If you do something for another repeatedly that you really don’t want to do you will eventually come to blame them for the feeling of selling yourself out over time. 
   

8. The point of meditation is not to relieve your pain in the moment. The point of meditation is to practice maintaining a direction of thought or feeling. It’s a strength workout for your mind. It lets you accept suffering rather than avoid or distract from it.
   

9. Positive reinforcement works better than consequences and wayyyyyyyyy better than punishment. Kids want to do well. Give them an avenue to do so while maintaining boundaries and they will always surprise you.
   

10. Everyone wants to be significant to their partner. Every fight can basically be boiled down to: “do I matter to you.” Make your partner matter daily and watch conflict reduce.

If your looking to learn more about couples counseling try reading this article or this article

If you'd like to book in you can do so online or call the clinic at 250-362-5035